My family has nicknames.  Yeah yeah.  It's more than cutsey nicknames.  These are real.  These are the kind that stick.  They have permanence because it's true.  You can't quit a nickname when it is based on fact.  To this day, random people still call me "Shorty."  Not "Shorty" as in the slang term for a girl.  Shorty as in - "Hey you ain't five feet tall is ya!?  Awwww.  How cute!"  People that didn't know me in high school and who certainly don't know me well enough receive the death stare/stink eye when they call me "Shorty." 

Anyway, these were recently assigned to us by Bill, laugh if you must, but remember, they are true!

• Bill - Night Sweater** - And I don't mean "sweater" like something you wear when it finally cools down!  I mean "sweater" as in one who sweats.  Profusely.  In his sleep.  I think its kinda gross.  He sweats a lot at night.  Sometimes its so much that the sheets on his side of the bed are all rustled and wrinkled up.  It kinda grosses me out.  I don't like sweat.  And it's not just his sweat, I'm disgusted by my own too! You should see me trying to sort laundry.  It's all I can do to touch his socks.  Stewart's are starting to get gross too.  About a year ago, I decided that I couldn't handle his nasty soaked sweaty running clothes to be mingling with my pretty lady clothes.  So he has a separate stinky running clothes basket.  And he washes them himself.  I won't touch it. I didn't recite "in sickness and in sweat" when we got married.

• Me - Sleep Talker - Apparently I talk in my sleep.  I would love to say it's not true or that I wouldn't really know (since I am asleep when doing the talking) but I have woken myself up. Talking.  To people in my dreams.  I mumble and ramble the most when I am sick and/or have a fever.  Sometimes I just talk.  It seems like if I remember a specific dream, I was also talking during the dream.  This week I have woke him up twice asking him questions.  And when he responded, he woke me up.  He says I'm getting a lot better. He SAYS I used to mumble all night long.  It's kinda funny but for a light sleeper like Bill, I think it is probably really disruptive and very annoying.

• Stewart - Sleep Farter - I say it at least once a day:  Boys are gross!  At all ages, boys are gross.  And there is something about fart jokes and farting that is funny, no matter what your age.  And apparently, it's also funny when you are asleep.  Stewart farts a lot in his sleep and he always has a "HA!  I got you and I'm asleep" smirk plastered on his face.  I'd like to think that it is his little body trying to release the gas that he politely held in during the day - but that is so not true.  Thus my affirmation:  BOYS ARE SO GROSS!

• Parker - NAP CRAPPER - This little one is the most disruptive for me.  His body clock tells him that he needs to poop whenever its nap time.  It doesn't matter if naptime starts at 12:30, 1:00, 2:30, 4:30.  The dude will poop.  I swear he is doing it to try to get out of having to take a nap or to prolong the inevitable - for a while (I swear it's true) he was only doing it the afternoons that I wanted to try to rest while he was napping.  Lately, he does it all the time.  Today, yesterday, day before, day before that.  The boy is a nap crapper.

There is some saying about idle hands.  Honestly, I have no idea what that saying is.  I'm sure if I asked Bill, he would know.  He seems to know everything.  (I knew the honeymoon was over when he stopped acting like I was telling him something that he didn't know.)  Anyway, my idle hands need a hobby.  In the last month, I have painted 2 bathrooms and the kitchen/breakfast area, changed out 3 faucets, installed knobs and handles on a bathroom cabinet, and replaced all of the kitchen knobs (apparently our stupid drawer pulls are going to have to be special ordered because they are 5 inches, the standard appears to be 96mm/3in.)  I guess home remodeling is my current hobby, but it is getting a bit expensive. My classes are about to start, so I will have less time to have idle hands - but I think it is about time I took up a different hobby.  There are a lot of things that I enjoy doing but nothing that I would really call a hobby. 

I wish I could knit - I'd love to make scarves.  I'd make super cute ones and gift them to my friend who is perpetually cold.  It would be like a constant Tracey hug (since, after 17+ years, we are now friends that hug.)  Maybe I will give it another go.  The biggest problem with knitting is that it takes so damn long to see any progress.  I want immediate results for my efforts!  Yes, maybe next week I will try again.  I really like the idea of making a scarf for my friend.

I would also consider quilting .  Quilting, I know.  I'm not 75 - but my favoritest blanket is a quilt that my great grandmother made.  I salvaged it from my burned down and trashed out apartment.  I survived with a few burn holes - that's a sign right?!  It's a sign that I was meant to keep that blanket - and that perhaps I should consider quilting.  I will have to see how the knitting comes along.  My perpetually cold friend could also use a blankie - but dear God!  The time it would take a finish a blanket - I certainly would be 75 by then!

Scrapbooking is something that I have also found interesting.  i think it looks like a ton of fun.  But I haven't done it.  I want to do it - but I can see it snowballing into a very expensive and time consuming hobby.  One that would require more spare time than I have right now.  So that is definately being back burnered.  Perhaps I will take that up when I am 75 and I am too arthritic to knit and/or quilt.

But you know, maybe I don't have time for a hobby.  I have been reading a lot.  But I just feel this need to do something crafty and creative.  Let's see where this takes me, should be interesting. Hopefully I can give my perpetually cold friend a scarf or two for Christmas/her birthday!

. . . Mommy redecorates.  Bill was in India again last week.  Only for a week, but it was long enough for me to knock out two projects that have been on our home improvement list.  I fancied up the guest bathroom upstairs.  i got a really pretty shower curtain from target, and I painted the walls, installed knobs and drawer pulls on the cabinet (that is never used, but still, it looks really nice now!) and installed two new faucets.  That's right, Miss Chick Lit reading, Sephora and Kate Spade loving girlie girl installed two new faucets.  I am/was very proud of myself.  (I think Bill got tired of hearing me talk myself up because he said, installing a new faucet is like sticking a plug in an outlet.  Turd much?  I think so.)  I won't go on and on about the faucets - but they look amazing.  I would post pictures but the bathroom doesn't get the best natural light and everytime I try to take pictures, they don't come out well.  Did I tell you about the pretty faucets!?  Lol - they look great, they work, and they don't leak.  The bathroom is officially too nice for the boys - hopefully it will get them out of my bathroom.  I can't tell you how tired I am of going to use the facilities, only to find that the seat is covered in little boy pee.  Or getting into the shower and stepping on toys.  They are officially evicted from my bathroom.  Bill better clean up his act or I will kick him out too.

I also did the half bathroom on the main level of the house.  It was a small enough space that I painted it in 2 hours.  And that included me sitting on the floor meticulously painting around all of the fittings etc behind the pedestal sink and the toilet.  I've never really looked behind the pedestal sink - but I think thats mainly because when I'm in there, conducting my "business" i'm facing away from the sink.  Men might have wandering eyes as they conduct their standing "business."  Anyway - it's painted a very beautiful color that perfectly matches the 3 pictures that I bought specifically for that bathroom (prior to moving in I might add.)  Still feeling really great about my upstairs faucet acheivements, I went to install the new faucet in this bathroom and I can't even get in there to loosen up the existing faucet.  Before you start offering up advice, yes I bought the weird basin wrench thing that professionals use to loosen up those bolts.  Yes, it is designed to fit around all of the pipes etc.  NO i can't get in there do to it because the basin wrench thing won't fit up there and my hands (MY TINY hands) are too big to wedge in there with a wrench (crescent, socket, etc) and loosen it up.

So i'm frustrated.  I wanted to be able to do those two bathrooms on my own.  But I'm stuck because in the upstairs bathroom, I couldn't edge the wall because there are places where I couldn't get a ladder (over the vanity, toilet, or in the shower) so Bill is going to have to finish that painting.  And my beautiful faucet that I wanted to install in the half bath, I can't do that either.  I was blessed with a dad who taught me how to use tools.  In fact, I can install electrical outlets, dimmer switches, etc because one summer my dad and I spent some time wiring a house they were building at the lake.  It may seem like small potatoes to you, but for anyone that knows me - that knows just how much I love Sephora, all cosmetics really, Hello Kitty, fancy overpriced handbags, shoes, frilly girlie dresses, and SEPHORA - it will come as a shock to you.  Yes, I am handy.  Sometimes I think I am handier than Bill.  (Next time you see him, ask him about our experience hanging ceiling fans.  I believe, it was another instance of Handy Tracey to the rescue.  it could have just been that I had the sense to get the instructions out of the box and read them. . . )  He could just be letting me think that so I do work around the house, leaving him to fund my projects and do the heavy lifting. 

The boys have been begging us for a dog.  They have been asking for a very long time and we keep saying things like, "It's not the right time" or "We need to get a fence first."  But last weekend, Bill and I decided that it is as good a time as ever.  I'm against pet store doggies (as sad as it is to see them behind the glass) and I'm against breeders because it's sooo hard to tell who is a decent breeder and who runs a puppy mill.  Lucky for us, there is a really great no-kill animal adoption center about 3 miles from our house.  As soon as we decided, I started checking their webpage and looking at the available doggies.  I saw a couple that looked like they might have potential so we stopped by the center last Wednesday.

The doggie I wanted to see the most was "misadvertised" on their webpage.  When we came in to meet him, our adoption coordinator wouldn't even let us see him because apparently the owner that gave him up said he growled at a child while he was eating.  This is also the owner that kept him on a chain all day - not exactly what I would call a credible source.  So anyway, she wouldn't let us see him.  She brought out this long rat looking dog that was part beagle part corgi.  I have a personal thing against corgi's and I couldn't make myself like her.  Plus, she didn't seem interested in the boys.  So we went back to their doggie area and we picked out two more to visit with.

As soon as he came in, he was happy and excited and he was immediately interested in playing with the boys.  He was a yellow lab mix, he had a lot of energy and since he is only 6 months old, he hadn't really had a chance to pick up bad habits yet and was still able to be trained to be the dog we would need him to be.  (Going into this, I knew I was going to do most of the training and I was fine with that.)  We played with him for 30 minutes and we had so much fun.  We saw the third dog for about 15 minutes - she was a super cute little squatty body brindle Boston Terrier.  She was the cutest thing I've ever seen- full of energy and snorts and joy but she wasn't interested in the boys.  She was more interested in playing with her toys.  So we met with dog #2 again and we all fell in love with him.

The coordinator and I agreed that I would go home, talk it over with Bill, and give her a call in the morning.  I did and Bill was just as excited as the rest of us, and I called her up and said we wanted to move forward.  Before we could finalize, we had to make five visits with him.  She said they were required because Parker is so young and she wanted to make sure it was a good fit.  We went in that day for our second visit and we played with him for another 30 minutes.  Parker required some coaching - be gentle, don't pull his tail, don't grab his feet, etc - and the little doggie got a little bit anxious when parker came around.  I wasn't too shocked by this - they are both young.  Parker has never been around a dog before and the dog was just exhibiting puppy behavior.  I really didn't think it was a big deal and the coordinator didn't express any concern about it either.  Before we left, we agreed to come back the next day for our third visit.  By this time, everyone was super excited.  Stewart kept asking me when we would get to bring him home, Parker started crawling around and acting like a puppy, Bill said he was excited and couldn't wait to meet him (he was going for the weekend visits.)  We priced out an invisible fence, and the boys and I picked up some treats to take on our next visit.  Bill and I both spent some time talking to Parker and getting him to understand how to be gentle with the dog.  

At our third visit, our coordinator wasn't there.  So a different coordinator came in and brought the dog out to us for the visit.  We gave him the treats and played with him.  I thought the visit went very well.  I was very excited and I was disappointed that our coordinator wasn't there to be with us for the visit.  Parker was so good.  He was gentle and he didn't hit or pull or tug.  He gave him very gentle hugs and his face lit up when they played.  We scheduled a time to come in the next day (Saturday) with Bill.  After we left the adoption center, the boys and I went to the petstore and looked at the things that we were going to need to get for him (leash, collar, crate, big pad for the crate, water/food bowls, dog food, etc.)  We picked out some more special treats to bring on our next visit.

"When does he get to come home?  Can you show me on the calendar?  Lets count the days."  It was all Stewart could talk about.  We discussed how we had to have 5 visits and I showed him our visits on the calendar and that I thought he would get to live with us the following weekend.  He just kept saying, "I can't wait for him to come live with us!"

And when my phone rang at 4:30, I thought she was calling to discuss our visit.  And she didn't say anything about it and she didn't really give me a chance to say anything because she started in on her "I don't think you are ready" speech.  She talked a lot about Parker being young and how he did typical little boy things and that he didn't understand how to treat a dog because he is so young.  blah blah blah.  In the end she said she didn't think it was the right time for us to get a dog.  She said she was afraid that Parker would get bit, and from one of the visits, she could tell that Stewart is very protective of his little brother and she was afraid that they would both end up being afraid of dogs.  blah blah blah.  She said I was welcome to bring the boys in from time to time and look at the available dogs but she didn't think we would be ready for a year or two.

She was able to glean all of this about me and my family from 2-30 minute sessions. 

Bullshit.

Being me, I didn't argue or push the issue.  I just respected her opinion and hung up the phone.  And then I immediately started to get mad.  Not only did I think her analysis of me and my kids was total crap, her concerns should have been addressed immediately.  As in, we walk in and inquire about adopting a dog and she should have came right out and discussed dogs and young children.  It shouldn't have waited until AFTER the third visit!  Stewart and Parker fell in love with the dog and they bonded.  It was just so mean of her to let it get that far - and then for her to say we aren't ready.  It would have been different if she said that she didn't think he was the right dog for us.  She said we weren't ready and that we should come back.

I dreaded having to tell Stewart and I was going to make Bill do it because I just couldn't handle breaking his heart - but he walked into the room where I was and I told him.  He started crying which made me cry.  He is so disappointed and broken hearted.  When I told him I was sorry that I had to disappoint him, through his tears and sobs he said, "I'm not disappointed.   It just makes my heart hurt.  I wanted him to be in our family."  I tried to explain it to him in a way that he would understand and not resent his little brother.  I didn't want to see him blaming Parker because it wasn't his fault.  Stewart cried for 20 minutes.  It was hard for both of us.

Bill and I both thought about calling her.  He wanted to try to convince her and I wanted to confront her about why she waited so long to break our hearts.  But in the end, I think we are going to look elsewhere.  A friend from high school breeds (only once a year) her English Bulldog - and we have wanted an English Bulldog for a very long time.  So we may try to get one of hers when she has a little next spring.  (See Vann Bulldogs http://www.wix.com/vannbulldog/puppy)  I'm also checking craigslist and I've looked at a few other local shelters but this really left a bad taste in my mouth.  Last night, I explained to Stewart that we don't want to get a "rebound" doggie.  We still want a dog but we need to wait and find the right one for us.

So here is the little doggie that was almost a Bondurant.  We affectionately named him BOOMER! (All caps, followed by the exclamation point) and we are the best home he never had.  She will not find a better, more loving home for him and that makes me sad for the doggie.

I'm kindeve a reading dork.  I've always read.  I can't remember learning how to read but some of the first books I remember enjoying are simple ones.  One of the first books I remember LOVING was "Are You My Mother?"  It's about a little chicken that wanders around asking animals, "Are you my mother?"  I also remember really enjoying "Perfect the Pig."  We had a lot of books at home, some of them I have taken and added to the library of my children.  I read a lot and as I got older, I remember loving "Where the Red Fern Grows" (I totally cried my eyes out, every time I read it) and "Anne of Green Gables" (I love that her dad got her a dress with "puffed" sleeves even though Marilla told him not to.)  I read every Baby Sitter's Club book from #1 - 100something.  I had them all nicely lined up on my pretty white bookshelf.  Each one of them was stamped with my personalized stamp.  Later, we sold them in a garage sale to the mother of a would be friend during high school.  The first adult book I read was Jurassic Park, read in the 7th grade.  My dad told me I would like it - and I loved it.  (I also predicted that it would be made into a movie.)  I went through author phases - Dean Koontz, Robin Cook, Michael Crichton, John Irving, and even RL Stine.

So it goes without saying that one of my most favoritest gifts ever is the Nook my parents got me for COLLEGE GRADUATION!  (That's right, I am a graduate.  I have a diploma.  Suck it Mark!  I did graduate, it just took me a long time!) I am constantly singing it's praises.  I love that I can whip it out on the beach (yes, I did that!) and I don't have to worry about the pages flying around in the wind. I can also have my choice of thousands of books with me - and not be weighed down by a heavy backpack trying to hold them all.

Also, I love that you can "accessorize" it!  (Mention that outside of my blog and I will deny saying it.  It makes me seem a bit ridiculous.)  Kate Spade makes cases for it - awesome ones.  AND you can replace the dull gray back with snazzy colors like lime green - which happens to perfectly match my lime green and turquoise Kate Spade case. It says "once upon a time on the front" and "happily ever after" on the back - I love that!  Every girl is a fairytale princess - age doesn't take that away.

Anyway, I love the Nook.  It's fabulous.  It's easy to use.  It has nice lines.  It's light weight, even though it currently holds 25+ books.

The only thing that sucks about the Nook is the Lend Me feature.  Being able to loan books is kindeve a big selling point for Barnes and Noble.  How cool is that!?  Some of the books I buy can be loaned to a friend for 14 days.  Pretty cool.  What sucks is that it doesn't work easily.  Not as easily as they advertise on their webpage.  I have successfully loaned ONE book to Holly.  She tried to loan me a book and it led to one of the most infuriating telephone conversations I've ever had.

First, let me brief you on a few things.

1. I spent something like FOUR years working telephone customer service in one of the shittiest departments for customer service.  Billing.  I said it then, and I still say it now - no one calls the billing department to thank them for the monthly billing.  Every call was someone bitching.  I am still amazed at the idiots that would call in pissed because the $21.95 AOL charge had been showing up on their credit card statement for 2 years and they just noticed it.  Anyway, I'm good with people and I'm nice on the phone (it's easier for me to pass judgement when you can't see my eyes rolling out of my head!)  The time I spent working customer service has given me lifelong respect for anyone in customer service - and that isn't just people on the phone.  It extends to waiters, cashiers, etc.  I am ALWAYS extra nice because I know how awful it is to be on the other side.
2. I am the Queen of Passive-Agressiveness.  Just ask Bill.  :)  I don't fight.  I will avoid confrontation like it's the plague.  And if I do get backed into a corner and a fight ensues, it is guaranteed that I will lock up and not say anything.  It's a defense mechanism - I've always been like that.  I assume that if I don't say anything, you will eventually run out of things to yell about. 

Monday I called Barnes and Noble for Nook support - problems with the Lend me feature.  I only had two problems and they seem pretty simple.  I sent Holly a loan request for a book and she never received it.  I couldn't resend the request because it was showing as "on loan" in my library.  And she sent me a request, I was able to receive it and accept it into my ebook library but I couldn't get it to download to my Nook.  I tried for 30 minutes Sunday night and for a few minutes prior to placing the call.

The Barnes and Noble Tech-Support Asshole (BNTSA) wasted 45 minutes trying to tell me that I wasn't able to download the book to my Nook because my shipping address was wrong, I didn't have valid credit card information saved in my profile, I wasn't getting a wifi connection, I wasn't getting a 3g connection, and finally that my device wasn't registered correctly.  He didn't listen to me when I told him NONE of these things were the problem because I was able to purchase and download a book as recently as last week.  So he suggested unregistering and registering.  This immediately prompted me to ask, "Am I going to lose any of the data on my Nook?"  He said no, everything would still be there.  So I went through more of his procedure to unregister and reregister my Nook.  And guess what! 

It deleted EVERYTHING.

This is when I started to get a little bit irritated.  It was obvious the guy had no idea how to troubleshoot my problem.  He was grasping straws and I told him as much as I expressed my unhappiness about losing all of my books.  When I tried to retrieve my library, I continued to get the same error message that I received when I tried to download the loaned book.  He told me it must be a system error and that I should call back in two hours.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?  

I told him that was completely unacceptable.  I spent 45 minutes on the phone with him, he deleted everything, couldn't recover it, and I needed to call back in two hours because his incompetent BNTSA ass couldn't fix my two original problems and now my third (and much more important) problem.  He continued to tell me I needed to call back, I continued to tell him that was unacceptable.  He said that he had gone through all of the procedures that his manager told him to try.  So I asked to speak with this manager.  He said the manager wasn't available.  I said I would gladly wait.  He said I couldn't.  So I asked if there was someone else that I could speak with that could address the problem.  He said no.  This is when he started to tell me that I needed to "calm down" and that he wasn't going to put me on the phone with anyone if I was "irate."

This is where I started to get irate. 

(Reference #1 above.)  I don't get mad with reps.  It's a shitty job and they are just reading scripts and doing what they are told.  I was by no means out of control, raising my voice, or even irate. I'm just not that person that yells.  I most definately don't yell at people over the phone.  I don't say mean things because what's the point?  BNTSA just accused me of being two things that are sooooo not true!!  That infuriated me - so I turned on my extra sweet condescending voice and calmly explained to the BNTSA that it was unacceptable for him to tell me to call back after he deleted everything and was unable to recover.  He replied that I needed to calm down or he was going to flag me in the system as a "customer unwilling to follow procedure."  WTF!  It was his bullshit procedure that led me to the problem.  He wanted me to call back because he was trying to cover up his inability to help me by calling it a "system problem."  Sorry dude, I've been there and played those games with customers.  It's not going to work on me.

I resolved the problem by hanging up on him. 

I realize that was a very immature thing to do but I couldn't keep having that discussion with him.  It's not my fault he was incompetent!  All I wanted was someone that was competent and could fix my problem.  That doesn't seem like too much to ask of a "tech support" department.  I called back and spent 25 minutes on the phone with a nice girl.  We didn't resolve any of my three problems but I had to go.  The kids were getting restless and I couldn't stay on the phone any longer.  She suggested that I bring it into a store for assistance.  I had planned to do it this weekend but miraculously my library showed back up tonight.  I have probably tried 15 times since I ended the second call, and as I was sitting there telling Bill, "I don't even know why I am trying.  I've tried 12 times already and it didn't work."  Viola!  My library is back!  I am so happy!!

I am just sad that the BNTSA left a sour taste in my mouth re: the Nook.  I will still talk it up to friends but I will no longer mention the lend me feature.  That and their customer service is crap.

It is officially the first day of summer.  Even though we are only a mere eight minutes into the shiny happy new season, it is already fully hot.  Last year we prided ourselves on making it to July before we turned on the AC.  Last summer must have been more mild - I caved and cranked it on a few weeks ago.  Bill and I could handle the heat - but I couldn't handle seeing the kids hot and sweaty and miserable.  They didn't complain but they just looked so hot.  Last summer was different, too.  I was working.  So no one was home all day, when it's the most hot.  We would get home around 6, just as it was starting to cool down.  Last year, once I did finally turn on the AC, we kept it at 78.  So far, I'm down to 75 this summer.  And some nights, when I am extra hot and miserable, and my cold shower didn't work its magic, I will turn it down to 72.  I know.  For SHAME!!!  I may be doing a completely different dance when the electric bill comes in this month.  In the mean time, I am basking in my comfortableness!

I just discovered Jen Lancaster's books.  She has published five "memoirs."  Jen Lancaster rocks on so many levels.  I find it completely AMAZING that she is only 40 and has had such a life that she was able to write FIVE (that's 1, 2, 3, 4+1,  FIVE) memoirs.  I can barely find things to blog about, and I gave up long ago on trying to blog about interesting things.  I started with "Bitter is the New Black."  I felt like I could relate to her situation.  She was fired by a woman named Kathleen.  My boss was named Kathleen.  She was told she was a rockstar.  I was told I was a rockstar.  Two days later she was fired.  ME TOO!  Oh, and I forgot to mention the FULL title of her memoir:  "Bitter Is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart-Ass, or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office."  Could somebody please tell me how you could see a book with this title and NOT read it!?  Anyway, she is a good writer.  It feels very candid.  She just seems so real.  She doesn't step up on her high horse and try to make herself out to be anything she isn't.  I've read a lot of memoirs where it is painfully obvious that the author thinks she is high and mighty and isn't afraid to talk herself up.  Her books are just different.  I don't really know how I know that - but just read her book.  Why would you portray yourself as sooo "condescending, egomaniacal, self-centered" and judgemental, if you aren't actually like that!?

I enjoyed "Bitter is the New Black" so much, I moved on to one of her other memoirs, "Pretty in Plaid: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, The Wonder Years before the Condescending, Egomanical, Self-Centered Smart-Ass Phase"  I think it is considered the prequal to "Bitter" even though it was the fourth one published.  "Pretty in Plaid" was also awesome so I moved on to another one, "Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Discover If Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie Is Not the Answer".  For some reason, Barnes and Noble doesn't have this available as an ebook.  So I went native, and bought a paperback book.  I am about 2/3 of the way into the book.  It feels so retro to hold a book and have to turn the pages. I will read her other two memoirs because with every page, I find another reason why I think this author is so refreshing.  For example:  in one book ("Such a Pretty Fat") she has referenced (among other things) Cher Horowitz from "Clueless," Sex and the City, and she gave a kickass recipe for mashed potatoes!  Reading her book feels more like a conversation with a friend than reading someone's memoir.  I think this is the first book where I have wanted to read it with a highlighter in hand so I can highlight all of the ridiculously laugh out loud funny things she writes.  I have lost count how many times I have thought to myself, "OMG!  I totally know what she means!" or "OMG, I have totally wanted to say that to someone!"

So you should go now and pick up at least one of her books.  If you have a Nook, I can lend them to you (!) but Holly is first on the list.  :)

Next topic -  why my ass is blogging at 12:30am.  Yeah, I can't seem to go to sleep at a decent hour anymore.  The other day I blamed it on caffeine.  I had half a Dr Pepper at 1:00pm.  When I was still awake at 1:00am, I was cursing the Doctor and wishing I had just had some water.  But then I was up late again the next day - and again today.  What gives?!  I don't want to be up this late.  I would love to be asleep and snoring like Bill, Stewart, and/or Parker.  All are wrapped up and cozy in their beds (blankets are no longer optional because the AC IS ON!!!  YAY!) I should be enjoying the only time that I get to myself - but there is one big fat greasy problem.  Bill is going to wake up at 7:00am, Stewart is usually awake before Bill gets up, and Parker will wake up when he hears daddy going down the stairs.  So here I am, blogging when I know that I will be awake in about 6 hours.  What's worse than just being awake?  I will be parenting!  You know how some medication says "don't operate heavy machinery while taking this medicine"?  I should come with a warning label as well, printed up on a pillow case that is NO LESS than 500 thread count (because really, I go to bed to be comfortable.  Not to be itchy and poked by cheap crunchy low threadcount sheets.)  It should read:  "Do not engage in the act of parenting if she has not had at least eight hours of UNDISTURBED beauty sleep."  UNDISTURBED is the key word.  It may or may not be so relevant anymore.  KNOCK ON WOOD.  Parker has slept through the night the last 3 nights.  He seems to be doing really well at night - and we are finally getting a full night's rest.  Saying it is probably going to be like the time I told Bill, "my family has a history of flat tires."  We were driving from OKC to Columbus, OH.  No less than twenty minutes later, we were pulled over, unpacking the trunk becuase we had a flat tire.  Not even joking.  Needless to say, some things don't get said - they are silently acknowledged.  I should probably go back and delete "Parker has slept through the night the last 3 nights" but he should get credit for being a good sleeper.

I could blog on and on and on - and perhaps I will find the time to come back and visit some topics that I have been mentally blogging.  Let me make up a list so I don't forget (FYI: a list is CLASSIC TRACEY!)

• our trip to Lewes, DE and Cajun Fest at Breaux (to include how I won tickets and finding Bill chatting up a very tall Asian woman at the wine tasting tent. . . )
• My first summer of no work since I was 14. 
  

I should really carry around a little note book and write things down.  I always think of things I want to blog about and then I forget!  My mind is turning into mush!

Good night.  Good Morning.  Please let the kids sleep in until at least 7:30.  It is such a weak and pathetic request.  I remember when I used to sleep in until 11:00 am.  At what age will my kids learn the value of sleeping in!?  I hope it is soon!

"Nighty night Shakespeare."  (One of my favorite Doctor Who lines.  Yes, I am that sci-fi nerd.  But I only like the new Doctor Who - hopefully that makes me a little less of a nerd!)

P.S.  I should have never commented on Parker's awesome sleeping.  As soon as I drifted off to sleep, he woke up fussing.  

Randomness:

• I really like soundtracks.  All kinds.  Favorites include The Little Mermaid, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, the Last Kiss, Garden State, Romeo + Juliet, Slumdog Millionaire.  I’m not sure why I like soundtracks soo much.  Probably because it’s a variety.  I’ve been listening to the Slumdog soundtrack a lot lately.  I don’t really think it’s the best “road trip” music but it’s great music.  Track #3 makes me feel like I’m in a Bourne movie, in a trademark Bourne chase scene.  I wonder if that excuse would work if I were to get pulled over for speeding.  “officer – it was the music!”
• 3^rd week of spelling words with Stewart.  He is very enthusiastic about practicing and he tries very hard to sound out the words and spell them on his own.  I made him a spelling practice notebook.  I think having a “special” notebook for practice makes it a little more exciting and reiterates the importance of spelling for him.  He is doing great.  Since this is the third week – I know he can spell at least 30 different words!
• Parker is an onery little booger.  I realized last night that he shuns his toddler spoons and forks.  He almost refuses to eat with them.  Last night he was refusing it and he kept grunting and pointing at a regular spoon.  So I gave it to him.  He hate a lot of macaroni and cheese.  Just another little Parker-ism on his track to independence and being a big boy.  It shouldn’t surprise me – and I guess it doesn’t.  He wants to do everything that we do.  If we get home and take our shoes off, he wants to take off his shoes.  If Bill and Stewart are upstairs watching TV with no shirts on – Parker doesn’t want to be wearing a shirt.  I wonder if it is just imitation or his desire to be grown up and he thinks that is what big kids do?
• Stewart is enrolled in an after school enrichment program that is offered by his elementary school.  I think it sounds great.  It is staffed by the teachers at his school, and he stays at his school.  They have a snack and a recreation period and they spend at least 30 min working on homework (with a focus on math and spelling.)  I will admit, Bill and I didn’t spend a lot of extra time helping him with school work outside of his homework last year.  This year, we are dedicating more time to homework and we do spelling words every day.  I can tell a difference.  I have learned in my classes (look at me busting out the knowledge!) that any parental involvement reinforces the importance of the subject in the mind of the child.  It increases their interest in the subject as well as encourages them to do well.  So we’ll see.  The project is funded by the US Department of education, so it’s free!  I do wonder if the school’s motive is to increase the standardized test scores – which I don’t necessarily agree with (more stuff I’ve leared in my classes about standardized testing being an unfair way to assess children) but I think the benefit of Stewart having extra one on one time will be really good for him.
• I guess we aren’t going to the U2 concert.  Bill’s trip to India is causing him to miss several nights of class – and he doesn’t have another absence he can use for the concert.  So I’ve been thinking about trying to sell them – which is kindeve a hassle.  And then I’ve realized that I really want to go, still.  U2 is very much a Bill and I thing (we quoted a song lyric on our wedding announcement and it seems like the only music that we both like) but I am over the disappointment of not going WITH him – but I still want to go.  It’s like a thing – Men wished they could have seen Jordan play basketball live.  U2 is a concert that I would like to go to.  I have been to a grand total of 3 concerts my whole entire life and this is just one that I really want to go to.  The last time U2 was in the area I kicked myself for not getting tickets and going – and now I have tickets.  I have them.  Sitting in our office on the desk.  I periodicly go on there to make sure the tickets are still there.  I’m conflicted.  Should I go with a friend or just not go because Bill can’t go?
• Bank of America and Direct TV are on my shit list.  Permanently.  If it wouldn’t be such a hassle, I would ditch Bank of America yesterday.  Back in JUNE DirectTV hit up my checking account for $800 for the equipment they said I hadn’t returned yet.  I was waiting for them to send me the boxes to return the equipment.  Coincidentally, the day they charged my checking out was the day the boxes showed up.  I disputed the charge with Bank of America and had to call up mom and dad to loan me some money.  So now – it’s the middle of September and it is still in dispute.  Initially BofA did issued a temporary credit while they investigated the charge but they have since reversed it (which I feared they would do) and I escalated the dispute and now BofA has I guess finished researching it, said they can’t find any error in my part so now they pushed it over to Direct TV’s bank.  KEEP IN MIND, Direct TV has the equipment.  It has been received.  Can’t they just cancel this out?  So now I’m waiting for Direct TV’s bank to make a judgement (I guess?)  It’s irritating.  We quit direct TV in MAY – May 21^st to be exact.  It’s September 18^th – and I’m still trying to argue over this charge – that will be credited because they have the equipment.  Ridiculous.
• Bill hit a deer last night on the way home.  He should really post the blog about this – he was driving.  I wasn’t even in the car.  It was inevitable.  One of us was going to hit a deer.  At one point, I asked him what I was supposed to do if I ever hit one – just because I knew it was going to happen.  Last night – less than a mile from our house – going 40mph a deer jumped out in front of him.  Bill said he didn’t even have a chance to break.  Slammed into the deer and Bambi died.  Surprisingly Bill and the truck are fine.  There doesn’t appear to be any damage on the truck – the bumper is a little furry and his vanity plate was bent in – but that’s it.  Lucky.  Lucky he wasn’t driving my car.  Lucky we haven’t traded in my car for a Prius, or a TDI Jetta, or the TDI A3.  Lucky he was in his big behmoth of a truck that sits so high, the deer hit the bumper.  And the bumper popped back out once he took off the bent vanity plate.  Too bad we don’t eat venison.  (KIDDING, I refuse to eat ROADKILL!)