Here are my top five reasons why I will be sooooo glad when Parker is sooo done with diapers.  If you are a parent, you'll get it.  If you have been around kids a lot, you'll get it.  You don't need to have kids to appreciate this list.  In fact, I am not even going to list my number #1 reason - COST.  I hate buying diapers.  I hate spending $30 on a box of diapers (Costco prices for Huggies Pullups) knowing that they are going to end up full of shit and in the trash.  Anyway, here it goes:

1. Diaper Rash - the poor thing has outbreaks of very painful bright red diaper rash.  They aren't constant - he's probably only had 3 but I can't think of anything worse than having to change a muddy diaper* of a little boy that is afraid of the wipes because he has a bad case of diaper rash on his butt and the wipes hurt.  It's kindeve heart breaking.  I don't want to hurt him and make him cry but he needs a clean bottom!  And then to top it off, I have to rub the diaper rash cream or aquaphor on his little bottom.  I hope the poor little guy doesn't get my rubbish skin.
2. Poop Rocks - you know the ones.  BIG HARD Rock Poops.  Parker went through a very bad constipated phase.  It was so gross.  Soo gross - gross because there were times when I had to try to help him get the big hard rock out.  That is the definition of parental love right there.
   
3. Smeary poops - these are reminiscent of the meconium newborn poops because you can go through a whole entire box of wipes and still have poop smeared all over something (his butt, the floor, my hand, his leg, his hand if he got curious.)  IMHO, these poops are really stinky too.
4. Juicy poops - The kind that leave you a little surprise in the pant legs or all over the waistband of the pants.  They just shoot out everywhere.  I think Parker is past this stage, but good lord they are disgusting and they make a big nasty mess.  These poops require two adults - one to wipe and one to hold up the legs.
5. Having to take the trash out 50 times a week because one little poopie diaper can stink up a whole house.  PERIOD.  THE END!

(If this just grosses you out, get over it.  You did these 5 things when you were a baby/toddler.)

* "muddy" is a term used by Sally Field's character in "Steel Magnolias".  Oh how I love that movie!

1. I completely dislike Flo - the annoying Progressive commerical lady.  But they do have commericals that make you wonder if you could be saving more money on car insurance.  We are Progressive customers but it made me wonder if we could get a lower price with someone else.  (Derek Shepherd aka. Patrick Dempsy is the current voice for State Farm.  Surely Mc. Sexy wouldn't lead me astray would he!?)  In an effort to try to save some money, I started to shop around for lower rates on car insurance.  I worked up a quote with State Farm and it was $60 less per month.  So I got an idea; I called up Progressive and said, "I am looking to lower my rates but keep the same coverage.  I have received lower quote with your competitors.  What can you do to lower my rate?"  The phone call took a while.  But the lady on the other end was very nice.  When it was all said and done - about 45 minutes later, our new policy (same coverage, deductibles etc) was $110 less than what we are currently paying.  I cautiously went through the motions to switch over to the new policy - I kept waiting for the catch.  First she asked for the first month - and then I explained that we had paid our current policy's premium 3 days ago and I asked if that could be transferred to cover the cost.  It worked out.  It covered the amount she wanted plus left a $60 credit that would apply towards June.  I must say I am still a bit skeptical.  When sometimes is too good to be true, it usually is - but it seems to be working out so far!
2. I am totally a snobby reader.  Not only do i judge a book by it's cover (shamelessly), I also judge a book by it's font (Holly does this too, I think she is probably a snobby reader as well.)  I tend to favor historical fiction (especially anything that takes place during the Tudor era.)  I also get hung up on authors.  If I read one thing by someone and I like it, I will keep reading their works until I get bored or run out.  For example, John Irving.  Eight years ago I got on a huge John Irving kick - he is an awesome writer.  But then I discovered his formula and I got bored.  So as I peruse eBooks available at BN.com, it becomes painfully obvious that I am picky and snobby and very particular when it comes to what I want to 1. spend money on and 2. spend time reading.  I am fully into summer mode - i want light, airy, chicfic. (as in chick fiction, I don't know if that is a real term, if it's not - I JUST MADE IT UP!)  I am currently reading Something Borrow by Emily Giffin.  Its a nice light, non trashy easy read so far.  Its hard to find decent chicfic that isn't trashy, or stupid (and I understand "stupid" is a relative term.)  I have enjoyed all of Sophie Kinsella's novels - that is good, non-stupid chicfic, IMHO.  I read Phillipa Gregory - Specifically, the two books that are about the Tudors and Wideacre (which was weird and perverted, which I realized after I had committed way too much time to reading the novel.)  I read The Other Boleyn Girl and then I bought all of her books that I could find.  I have only read three so far.  I read My Sister's Keepr by Jodi Piccoult.  Amazing read - and I in turn bought all of her books that I could find, and so far I have only read that one.  Hmmm, I bought a bunch of Amy Tan after I read The Joy Luck Club.  I think I am a collector.  I am definately not a hoarder - I have NO PROBLEM throwing things away (just ask Bill.)  Hmmm. . . not a collector, let's change that to a loyal reader.  That sounds much better.
3. It's that time of the year again - when the Bondurants of Charles Town, WV see how long they can go without turning on the air conditioner.  I would like to preface this with we turned off the heater in February.  Yes it got kinda chilly a few times after we shut it off - but once it was off, I refused to turn it back on.  This week, it got pretty hot.  I think it peaked on Wed and Thurs - it was 95 and uber humid.  But we didn't turn on the AC.  Last year, we made it to July.  I'd really like this summer to be the one that we look back on and say, "Remember that summer when we didn't turn on the AC at all!?!"  
4. I hit the MOTHERLOAD of little boy's clothes.  Last weekend, I did something that I was putting off and dreading for a very long time.  I organized Stewart's old clothes.  You know me - I didn't organize them into piles of shirts and pants.  I O.R.G.A.N.I.Z.E.D the clothes into shirts and shorts and pajams and swim shorts for summer, pants and shirts and sweaters and pajamas for winter- all by size.  I wish I would have done this in the winter.  I didn't know I had clothes going back to 3t - which is Parker's current size.  It was sad to go through the clothes - some of the outfits brought back very strong memories of fun times but mostly it was sad to hold it up and think, "Stewart is too big for this but it fits Parker."  Stewart was a very well dressed, spolied little boy.  4T was a big year for him and clothes.
5. Guilty Pleasure TV/Movies - Everyone has it.  That one show that you watch religiously, even if it's in syndication on TBS.  Here are a few of mine:

• Grey's Anatomy - I tried to quit the damn show.  I actually did, for 3 weeks.  And then once afternoon, Parker was napping and I was considering a nap.  Nothing was on TV so I turned on an older episode that was on the DVR.  I guess it would be like inhaling the smoke after you quit 3 weeks ago - I wouldn't really know as I have never smoked a cigarette in my life - I was back to my addiction.  Coincidentally, it was the day before the season finale aired. Honestly, this season was crap.  That's why I quit watching it.  I have seen every single episode at least once - probably twice since Bill gift's the season to me when it comes out on DVD in the fall.  I have all 5 seasons.  I tried to be loyal but the story was so bad.  So I quit.  But I am so glad I came back when I did.  The season finale was AMAZING.  April can attest to how many times I said OMG during the first half of the show.  It was good writing - the kind of writing that I usually only see on favorite BBC shows.
• Dancing With the Stars - this is really embarassing.  I - WE - hate reality TV.  It's complete bullshit.  I don't understand who watches garbage like any of the real housevies of X, the bachelor, the bachelorette, the jersey shore show, all of the crap on MTV.  Do you remember when MTV used to play videos?  That's kindeve how I feel about tv - do you remember when reality or fakereality TV hadn't taken over TV.  Anyway - we like DWTS.  This season was painful and I was ever so glad to see the Kate monster get voted off, Pam Anderson, and I was ever so glad that Erin Andrews didn't win.  Her whole drama about the peeping tom and feeling violated - and then she came out in an outfit that was pretty much a lace bottom and pasties.  Don't get me started.  I was sad that Evan didn't win.  Oh well.
• Steel Magnolias - I love this movie.  I'm not sure when the love affair began but I love it.  If I'm home sick, I watch it.  If i'm bored, I watch it.  If I'm doing chores, I turn it on in the background. Ain't nothing better than Tom Skerritt (who completely reminds me of dad for some reason, I think they look alike), Sally Field, Dolly Parton, and Julia Roberts.  I always cry when they take Shelby off life-support and I have seen the movie at least one hundred times.

6.  We found another snake today.  Let me rephrase that, Bill found another snake today.  I apologize if you enjoy the company of snakes - I just see them as dangerous.  Thank goodness Parker and I were not at home.  Bill went outside to survey the grass and the flowerbeds - when he saw this snake (see below) exiting the grass onto our black driveway.  I officially do not feel comfortable letting the kids play in the yard. After the first snake sighting, several people joked that they were surpised to see/hear that I mowed the yard again.  It's gonna take a really big snake to beat me and the mower.  I will probably never pick up the plastic green gutter things ever again - but 2 snakes won't keep me from mowing.  It is somehow cathartic.

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that we have received a ton of snow in Charles Town.  The kids have been out of school since the 5th, and Bill has been home for a few days here and there. 

1.     I had no idea that Parker and I had a routine until Stewart and dad interrupted it.  I knew that I liked to go to the gym after we got Stewart on the bus.  But I didn't realize how disruptive it was to not be able to maintain that same schedule.  I get up in the morning and I go.  I don't need to sit around and drink a cup of coffee, and read the newspaper (does anyone still do that other than my dad!?) or watch the news.  I like to get up, get dressed, and go to the gym.  I usually don't eat or drink anything.  I just like to go.  But the weather has caused the kids' clubhouse to be closed at the gym so I'm forced to go in the afternoon, when it opens at 4:30 or not go at all.  I don't like the changes in my schedule - especially when I do not necessarily want the change.

2.     I stocked up the fridge and the pantry.  I feel like I have been cooking for an army - three meals a day, every day.  I'm kinda tired of cooking.  I'm tired of having to think of something to make.  I hope I am not burned out (no pun intended!) because I think cooking is my one hobby, the one thing I think I am good at.  Buti am just a little fatigued from all of the cooking that has to be done when four people are trapped inside a house for days and days and days and days.  Today we got some sandwiches from Jersey Mike's.  I don't know if it was because I didn't have to cook or if I really wanted a sandwich - but that was the best damn sandwich I have ever had.  It's one of the few things that everyone in the house will eat.  Parker has become the most picky eater - he's a non eater.  He hardly eats anything.  I have started giving him a nutritional supplement.  He eats cheese, crackers, sometimes cereal, sometimes scrambled eggs, rice, noodles, and chicken tenders.  I remember Stewart went through phases where he wouldn't eat hardly anything, and then he went through a phase where he would eat anything, and he's back to being a picky eater.  Sometimes I just want to say, "Just FN eat!   I'm not a restaurant!"  I am so tired of making 3 dinners or trying to customize dinner in hopes that they will eat what I make.

3.     Parker is a very funny little boy.  He is trying soo hard to talk.  Sometimes he just rambles on and on and on - and you know he thinks he is talking.  He thinks he is saying something but it's not real actual words.  Its sounds - and it's really cute.  It's cute because he has that adorable little baby voice and because you can see that he is trying so hard.  Holly said she has decided that Parker is an old man trapped in a baby body, and he doesn't like being trapped in this baby body.  It's true.  This is just another example of him being an old man in a baby body.

4.     Shoveling snow sucks.  I don't think it's ever really a good time but it sucks more when you are trying to remove 40+ inches of snow from the driveway and the walkway and porch.  It's made more miserable when it doesn't stop snowing.  When you are outside, shoveling your little heart out and when you get down to the end of the walkway, and you look back at your work and you can't tell that you did anything, when everything is still covered in white - that sucks.  I have some stupid shoulder pain that is aggrivated by this class that I like to take at the gym.  It's also aggrivated by shoveling snow.  But when you can't get out of the house to go to the gym, shoveling snow is exercise.

5.     Part I - Knit loungey pants are not adequate for spending an hour outside shoveling snow.  I don't really have proper snow attire.  We don't go skiing and I just know that as soon as the entire family gets suited up - it will never snow again.  So i don't have snow pants.  But it doesn't stop me from joining the boys outside or from aiding in the snow removal.  My favorite lounge pants are cropped black knit pants.  They are loose and soft and I love them.  So I tucked them into my rain boots (because I also don't own snow boots) and I threw on a hat, a scarf, gloves, and a jacket and set off to try to shovel off the deck.  I had a few things motivating me.  #1.  I needed to get out of the house before I went crazy on someone.  #2 I also needed to get some exercise.  #3 Bill and I were starting to get concerned about the weight of the snow and how it would affect our deck.  #4 (most importantly) I wanted Bill to grill a steak for me on Valentine's day.  Some of you have been to the house and you know where the grill sets on the deck - as far from the door as it could possibly be!  So me, looking cute in my hat and matching red and white-ness with my lame black knit pants on - i stepped out onto the deck.  It was deep.  You've seen the pictures.  I shoveled and shoveled and I made a nice path from the door over to the section of the deck with the grill.  I cleared off the snow from that whole section.  I made a nice walkway to the grill.  But it took me at least an hour.  I remember thinking at one point that I was impressed with my lame knit pants - they weren't wet despite being covered in snow and my legs weren't cold. 

6.     Part II - The body is an amazing thing.  There I am, out there in single digit wind chill temperatures, all proud of myself for shovling so much snow and for doing it for an hour.  And I was surprisingly not cold.  Until I went inside.  It was really weird.  As soon as I stepped inside I was freezing cold and my feet started itching like crazy (which i assume had something to do with blood flow) but my legs were bright red and numb.  I put my hands on my legs - my hands registered that they were super super cold - but my leg did not feel my hands' touch.  It was weird.  It was a moment where I only knew there was a hand on my leg because it was my own hand and my hand was telling my brain how cold my leg was.  Despite feeling so warm outside, my body was cold.  My hands were cold, my feet and legs were cold - and my face was cold.  It was actually my numb and cold face that signled to my brain that I should go in.  Stewart was waving at me from the window and I was trying to smile back at him - but my face was numb and as much as I thought I was, I couldn't feel my face smiling at him.  It took me HOURS - like THREE HOURS to warm up.  My legs remained cold for much longer than my hands and face and feet.

7.     Pay it forward - When we had the big snow in December, one of our neighbors got their 4dw truck stuck in the ditch in front of our next door neighbor's house.  I volunteered Bill's big strongness to help get them out.  And it just dawned on me today that you tend to help out your neighbors in extreme situations.  And the other day, when I had the adventure where I ended up walking home before I got offered the ride - everyone was trying to help each other.  No one seemed put out or irritated - it just seemed like the right thing to do.  Another example, Monday we were coming home from going to the gym and getting some lunch - we were getting off rt 9, and there was a guy stuck at the top of the off ramp.  So Bill got out and helped him.  We could have easily gone around him - but it only took a few seconds for him to get out and help push the guy out. 

8.     Part I - I don't really appreciate things until I don't have them or until there is a threat of losing them.  Our cable and internet was out all day Saturday.  I never really think of us as a family that watches a lot of tv - but the tv is always on in the back ground.  The internet - that's a different story.  Bill and I are both enrolled in online classes - I can't turn in assignments or do research when i can't get online!  How can I check facebook, email, upload pictures, download music?????  It was kindeve refreshing.  Sometimes I wish we would turn off the TV more - and I enjoyed not having it on.  Had it been longer than 24 hours, I might not have enjoyed it as much.  The biggest problem with our cable being down - I never knew what time it was.  With cable box in every room, we don't have separate clocks in every room.  The cable box displays the time front and center but when the cable is out - it read 12:00 until the cable is back up.  I had a huge fear of the electricity going out.  That would leave us with no light, no heat, no cooking, no creature comforts that spoil us on a daily basis.  of course we would have survived, and it may have been a big fun adventure but I'm glad we didn't have to find out.  Bill and I would have been fine - but I always worry about the kids.  I'm always worried about them being cold, or thirsty, or hungry, or bored.  Having no power would have left them very cold, hungry, and bored.

9.     Part II - I don't like being stuck in the house.  I like things like freedom and independence.  I like being able to get in the car so I can drive up to McDonalds and get the kids a happy meal.  i like being able to drive up to the gym, work up a sweat, burn calories, and then i really enjoy sitting in the sauna for 30 minutes and reading a book.  But when the roads are crap and the weather is crap and the snow isn't stopping - I am forced to be housebound.  I am trapped.  I am a prisoner.  i don't like having 5 gallons of milk in the fridge because I couldn't go up to the store to get more if we needed it.  I just like being able to get out and I can't do so in this weather.

10.     Snow is really pretty - up to about 14 inches.  It becomes less pretty as you can see it STACKING up in strata against the windows.  When all you can see when you look outside is pure beautiful white blanketing the neighborhood, the field behind the house, the entire landscape is covered in white.  Snow is not pretty when there is so much of it that you become concerned with the integirty of your roof, of the deck - when someone tells you a story about snow sliding off the roof of their house and going through the windshield of their car.  When the snow is too deep to walk to the sledding hill, when it's too deep for me to carry Parker out in the back to play, when each step is trying to suck my boot off my foot, when you take a step and you don't know how far you are going to sink down (a few inches in packed snow, 40 inches in unpacked snow).  And there is no end in sight.  The forecast shows snow on Monday and Thursday of next week.  I need Stewart to get back to school.  I need to be able to get out and go somewhere if I so desire.  I's just too much!

1. I need to make Parker's stocking.  My mom started the tradition.  She made felt stockings for each one of us.  They aren't just felt.  They are stockins with sequins and beads and puffy snowmen and pretty snow.  I need to make Parkers.  I was 70% of the way through Bill's when a stupid dog got it out from under the bed and tore it up.
2. Read a book.  I want to read a book.  Not a school book - not anything academic or school related.  The first book on my list, "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."  (http://gifts.barnesandnoble.com/Magazine/Pride-and-Prejudice-and-Zombies-Digital/e/2000003647613/?itm=1&USRI=pride+and+prejudice+and+zombies)
3. I want to paint my bathroom.  I haven't decided on a color - but I think I am going to try the paint that I originally bought for the bathroom.  It's a light blue - it's the same color as our bedroom but it has a very gentle shimmer to it.
4. I need to paint the kids' room and the playroom.  I also bought paint for those rooms but have not painted.  We'll see how it goes.  I hate taping off the edges.  I may just paint the bathroom and be sick of painting.
5. In addition to Parker's stocking, I have a tree skirt kit that I bought that I need to make.  I don't think it is reasonable for me to think I can have them both finished by the holidays - but this one is on my list.  To do.  Eventually.
6. Declutter our house.  It doesn't seem like we have a bunch of stuff because I keep everything organized and well hidden - but we have a lot of junk.  Especially in the basement.  I hate clutter.
7. Enjoy cooking.  I am going to enjoy having the time to cook a nice meal during the week.  We were in the habit of me making 2 or 3 meals on Sunday and then using them for lunches and dinners during the week.  Now I can cook.  A real meal. 
   
8. Get Parker to stop refusing to kiss me.  Hopefully all of the extra time that we will spend together will show him that he has no reason to refuse to give me kisses!

For people that plan and plan and always try to stick to the plan and go crazy if they don't have a plan - life's little surprises are not exactly fun.  I had a plan - but someone else had another plan.  so I will change my plan and move on.  Everything happens for a reason and you just gotta pick yourself up and move on.

So - here are 10 reasons why it will be good for me to be unemployed right now:

1. I get to spend more time with my kids - mostly Parker because Stewart will be in school all day.  But if I'm not working, there is no reason for Parker to be in daycare.  Maybe he will come around and stop refusing to give me kisses.
2. I can focus on finishing school.  I only have 2 classes left - and I think I have enough time to line up the financial aid for those two classes that start in December. 
   
3. I can get some stuff done around the house.  Finally.  Our guest bedroom looks like my closet and the kids' closets threw up in there.  I definately need to take care of that.
4. I will be able to spend the weekend doing family stuff because I can do chores and homework during the week.  That is something that I enjoyed while I was out on maternity leave.
5. (I'm halfway there - trying to be very glass half full when I feel very blah)
6. Work was frustrating me.   I had been having problems with my boss since this summer when she didn't speak to me for a week.  It was time to make a change.  I knew it.  Bill knew it.  Mary Paul soo knew it.
   
7. I will have more time to blog about nothing all that important and to post pictures of two of the cutest kids EVER!
   

I just ran out of glass half full.  I might come back to it - but I lost my motivation. 

1. dealing with drama at work that should be over when you leave the 8th grade.
2. not having a chance to ever talk to Bill.
3. Parker waking up crying every 3 hours.
4. This effn stink bug that is LOUDLY buzzing around my room.
5. school work.  I'm tired up getting up early to do it and staying up late to do it.  Both of which I wouldn't do if the accusation was true - see #1.
6. the fish tank.  Something is wrong with the filter but i don't have time to figure it out.  It will have to wait until the weekend.  In the mean time, the tank water looks like pea soup.
7. Writing papers on subject that have absolutely no interest for me.  I can't motivate myself to work on it because I just don't care about it.
8. picky eaters.  I am tired of catering to whatever Parker decides he isn't eating - which is usually dinner, every night.  I would say i cater to whatever he is eating but he doesn't eat much at home.  School says he eats like a champ.  Don't even get me started on Stewart.
9. being tired.  I am level 5 exhausted.  I think I have bags under my eyes and I have actually started wearing concealer.  It's depressing.  I think I can see wrinkles.  Wrinkes and freckles - that's a great match.  NOT!
10. facebook.  What i don't get is why people from high school who didn't know me want to friend me on facebook.  It's been 12 years - I still don't know you.  I was accepting because heaven forbid i offend someone I don't know but tonight I went through and deleted.  There are people on there that I haven't met - Ms. Margo for example - but i feel like she is a kindred spirit.  I have one "connection" that completely baffles me - we were best friends and high school and remained close until about 5 years ago when she quit talking to me and our other best friend for no apparent reason.  It really hurt a lot, for a long time.  It took me a little longer than Holly to get over it - but why would you not return calls, emails, etc but friend me on facebook?  It's kinda mean.  Being me, I refuse to let go but i can't help but think the whole facebook thing is a little ridiculous.  Outside of work and family, I only talk to two or three people on a regular basis.  You should be able to categorize your "friends" if you accept:  true friends, family, co-workers, people I used to know, and people i never knew.

Dang - I'm obviously in a bad mood.  I was about to write up an email to Bill telling him he should try to make 5 minutes to talk to me.  He's been gone since Sunday afternoon and I've probably heard his voice for 3 minutes through ichat.  But I decided I probably shouldn't.

OH!  And - to top it all off, my buttcheeks hurt from spinning two days in a row.  I swear your body NEVER gets used to the seat.

Heres another one of my great lists of 10 :) 

1. He can do it - Parker speaks!  He says Popcorn, cookies, cheese, juice, baba, blanket (which sounds like bahti), shoes, bobo (which is his affectionate name for brother), daddy, mama, puppy, and bath.  I'm sure he knows more but those are the ones that stand out. 
2. I can do it - I'm gonna break this up.  I can manage the kids without Bill.  I have patience - surprisingly.  I think I have the patience because I know I have no choice and I don't want the kids to be permanently scarred.
3. I can do it - at some point this week i grew a backbone and decided that I'm not going to do the usual Tracey thing and sit quietly while someone pushes me around.  I am being assertive and standing up for myself.
4. I can do it - once again, I can manage 5 classes.  I said I wouldn't do it again and I don't really want to be doing it - but what is 4 weeks of misery.  I have long term goals.  
5. You can do it - I just spent 45 minutes looking at this webpage, www.peopleofwalmart.com.  hysterical.  I can't believe that some people actually go out in public like that.  Where I grew up, i wouldn't be allowed out of the closet wearing some of those outfits. And that is just the skanky dressed chicas.  I think my favorite was the man in denim shorts, with suspenders holding up his shorts but his "tummy apron" was hanging out from under his red t-shirt and hanging a good 12 inches over his shorts.
6. He can do it - Stewart is my little first grader and I am so proud of him.  He has been doing so much better with his school work.  I think he just needed a little extra help and a lot of positive encouragement. 
   
7. He can do it - Bill is in Bangalore - still.  It is what it is.  I guess there is never a good time for him to be out of town. 
   
8. She can't do it - I will leave that up to your own personal intrepretation.  Those of you that know me,you know what I'm talking about.
9. I could do it? - i would like to read a book.  Like a real book that I am not required to read.  Something that I don't have to write a report about.  I want to read something mindless and entertaining.  I would go for chicklit even.  Just something that isn't related to school.
10. I need to do it - it's 11:45 and I need to go to bed.  But the stupid sweet tea I had at lunch is keeping me up.  I know better than to have caffeine after 10am.  It keeps me up forever.  FOREVER.