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10 Things I would delegate to my clone

by Tracey 10/12/2009 10:41:00 PM

homework. I could complete much more quality assignments if I had a clone. As a mother, a wife, and a full-time employee, I do not have the time or the energy to dedicate to being an A+ student. Right now, my GPA is a 3.56 and I am perfectly happy with that.
laundry - I don't know any woman that enjoys laundry - and I especially hate it. It never ends. Stewart likes to change his clothes. He is also having a bedwetting problem. Between exploding diapers and Stewart, I wash sheets almost every stinkin night. I hate laundry. I have to lug the dirty clothes downstairs and then lug them back upstairs to fold and put up - this crap is for the birds.
clean the kitchen - just as my laundry is never all done, my kitchen is never perfectly clean. I cook. We cook a lot. We don't get much take out and we definately don't go out to dinner, so I cook a lot. Which is great; I love to cook. But it also means that the counter tops and stove is always dirty, and I always have something in my sink or in the dishwasher.
cleaning the bathroom - I hate cleaning the bathroom - mostly because the "mess" i'm cleaning up is not mine. I do not pee on the seat, or on the floor. I don't leave beard trimmings on the sink, and I don't leave my bathtub full of toys. I do leave little black hairs on the floor. I feel like my hair falls out a lot - but it could just be that I see it because it's a dark hair on a light floor.
maintaining the hardwood floors -kids. Parker. They leave little crumbs and snacks all over the floor and on the table and in the chairs. The floor is always dirty. It always needs to be dust mopped, the rugs need to be vacuumed. It seems like we do it everyday!
clean the fish tank - we have had our fish tank for over a year now. and it took a really long time for it to regulate. We were going through the $.25 goldfish from the petstore, 4 and 5 a week. and then all of the sudden they quit dying. and we've had these for a long time and this cleaner fish. The goldfish are huge - they are the size of fish sticks. And they won't die! I hate cleaning the fish tank. It's so gross.
the Nod and Smile Game - My desk is a target for loiters. I need to put out a sign that says no loitering. And now that the CIO is putting the halloween candy bowl on my desk - it's worse. I would love for someone to sit in for me and do the nod and smile when people come by and want to talk - I need to get some work done.
Ridiculously boring and thankless crap that I do at work - things like replenishing all the supplies in the break room, office supplies, emptying the recycled paper bins into the bigger bin (which is annoying as hell because I have to stand there and feed them into this little slot 20 or so pages at a time.) Why can't some people bend over, and pull out a box of flavored tea and put it on the counter? Some people have a ridiculous expection that when they are at work they don't have to lift a finger to do anything that is not listed in their job title - which means I get to do all of that.
I need my clone to help me spend time with the kids. For example, while I am sitting with Stewart working on homework, it would be nice if I felt like parker was getting the same love and attention. as it were, we have to wait for Parker to go to bed to start his homework - which is too late. I can only get about 20-30 good minutes out of Stewart by tht time.
I would ask my clone to get up with Parker all fifty times a night when he wakes up crying, wanting soy milk, needing a fresh diaper, etc. i just want a few good night's sleep. I'm so tired! This morning, i woke up at 5:30, called the gym and asked them to put me down for one of the spots in spinning class, and then I feel alseep and didn't wake up until 8!